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Sunday, January 15, 2012

Nature verses Nurture

Normally I am a complete sun person. I would pick the sun over a snowy day any day. Well the last two days I have actually liked the snow. It has slowed everyone down and kept us all together inside. I have had time with my kids, real time. It's interesting how a change of weather can change the atmosphere around our house. It seems like my kids are even trying to get along. The funny thing is the happier my kids get the more grumpier my husband gets. Not sure why? Strange. Maybe its something about being an only child for him. I think he wants his own time by himself and we are in his space. I don't know. I have given up trying to figure him out. Can anyone figure their spouse out completely?  I just realize I have to live with it. For better or worse. I do know that you have to walk in someone else's shoes to understand. He's just making it hard for us to want to when he acts so grumpy. There must be some way to have balance. Or is it just too hard to do this with 6 people in the family. Is it too much to ask for all six of us to be happy at one time ? Or is this the law of nature?

Besides everyone having a different experience growing up. This fact for my children, is based on what they each remember from earlier years. There were different people affecting their lives in a certain way to make them a certain way. Or would this even make them a certain way?

 Given the preexisting personality that they were born with? On the other hand, maybe they were brought up the same way as their siblings, except they were born with different personalities, therefore they are each going to have their own experience based on this alone.

I feel like its all a tongue twister..:))....Really......

It's the old question....Were they born that way? Or was it the environment they were brought up in?

Also I really think something different is going on in each persons head. I think even when two people are given the exact same information they hear it differently or maybe one listens more than the other, so ultimately they process it differently. I am surprised anyone can understand each other. Without understanding its really hard to get along.

 I do admit that its good that we all have our own opinions. I can't imagine a world with everyone thinking the same. How boring would that be. I just wish that everyone could have a translator to translate what the other person is really thinking so we could all understand each other better. This would be the key..Understanding each other so you can get the information across to the other person, so there wouldn't be as many hurt feelings. Maybe if it was easier to explain things to each other than we could all be friends. I have seen and been a victim of misunderstanding too many times. Whether its me who doesn't understand or it's someone not understanding me. The other issue is some people just don't want to talk about it. This is not could and want to talk about every detail. I think this way, I for sure, can understand the person trying to give me information.


Mom said...

Sounds to me like you are really over thinking this. What a boring world this would be if we were all alike in our thinking and doing. I have always wondered how I had five kids and raised them all basically the same and now they all think differently. I can see their moral values are basically the same, but how they view the world around them is so different. I am so grateful for this, as I am glad they each have their own opinions and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I would hate to think that they believed everything I said and never questioned it.

Anonymous said...

Everyone's reactions to life are different. The only way to know what another is thinking and why is to ask. Ask in a non-defensive way. Their thinking may not be what you think it should be and you need to understand that they have as much a right to feel what they feel as you do. When he pulls back from a situation, pull him aside and give him a hug. He may question your motives or respond to them. You can tell him you noticed he looked upset. When some one pulls away they are often needing the opposit. He may have a very simple answer or he may not know why but either way he knows you care and are there if needed. K

eastsideartschool said...

Mom I agree...In fact, my last paragraph was basically saying what you just said..Just in a different this is what I mean.

And K, as giving a hug sounds like an answer and asking what is wrong another one. I wish it was this easy. The grumpiness has not been about us thinking differently, its just about him moping around and not being involved in our family activities lately. As I am feeling I am getting connected to my children he is pulling back from it.

Anonymous said...

Introverts need / want time by themselves to recharge.
Extroverts enjoy spending time with people ALL the time.
Just saying.