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Friday, December 30, 2011

Teenage Tantrums

I love my 16 year old daughter. I love her with all my heart. She was my first real true love. She is the first one who made me a mom. She is also the first one who knows how to push just the right button. The one who can break my heart in a single word. The one whom I have learned to worry about, and what true worry is.

The adventure I am taking everyday, the adventure of being a mom. It's truly the most exciting, happy, life transforming, devastating, and miraculous time I have ever had.

I am just thinking of a memory of my first trip to Europe in 2008. We were in Venice, Italy and it had been a looonnng day. If you are reading this as a mom or dad you know what I mean. One of those days when everything just seems to go wrong, kids fighting, everyones hungry, everyone is tired, you can't seem to make anyone happy including yourself and husband.

They... my children, were standing in front of this amazing building and all I could see was the magic all around  me, being in Venice. I took out my camera to take a picture. I asked the kids to smile and as you can see from the sequence of the photos. It went ok at first, then they began to fight and argue about something...who knows, it probably was about one of them was standing too close to the other. I remember I kept telling them to"stop!" and that "I want to get a good picture." At that point  I didn't want to snap the photo. I thought... ooh! never mind.  Then I remember this little old Italian lady coming up to me and saying, "Oh take the picture anyway", "Someday they will be all grown up and you won't remember having a hard day"," You will just miss them" Remember to Enjoy them" "I miss all the yelling, arguing, and the laughing too"" My children are all grown now and I miss them everyday" she said. I thanked her and told her its nice to have someone else understand. Then began to take the photos.

Its funny how all over the world mom's are feeling the same. We have so much in common with each other.

Anyway, at the time these facts hadn't really hit me yet. My oldest daughter at that time had just turned 13. She was just beginning to pull away and settle into her womanhood and mix of hormones. The other three kids were only 10, 8 1/2, and 3 years old. I felt like I had plenty of time. We were in the middle of the best time of their childhoods. They were full of wonderment and wanted to see and do everything. These were very happy times when I look back now.

 Now three years later I feel so different. My oldest, whom I talked about in the beginning of this post has started to drive this year and bought a car. She  is going to a college program for high school kids wanting to get a head start, has a boyfriend, works two part time jobs..etc..etc...In the short 3 years she has almost completely grown up. I hardly see her anymore because she is busy with school, work, her boyfriend, and school sporting activities. When she does have time she has a car and  she can get in and drive to go do something else. I liked it better when at least I had to drive her somewhere so I could have a chance to really talk to her. Which boils down to an incident today.

We had planned to go shopping together and she would ride with me. When suddenly right before we were about to get in the car, I see her talking to her boyfriend on her cell phone. Then she turns to me and says.. (moments before we are about to leave) that now she wants to drive herself. I say "no", that we had already planned to go together. Suddenly she lets out a highpitched sch-reeking scream that" why do I say no?".(..and yes... she is schreeking this, not just asking me.) I turn and look around and notice the screaming echoing through the neighborhood and almost wave at some of my neighbors who are now watching us. I tell her "no" again and she keeps screaming at me and saying,"I am so unfair" and "what reason would I have to say no?"..etc..etc.....I just sit there, and her younger sister just sits there in silence, waiting for her to stop.All the while, I am thinking to myself. I just wanted to spend some time with her. She finally.... after seems like forever, and in slow motion, proceeds to get in the car. I sit there silently as she raves at me why? why? why?  I finally began to try and talk to her, and tell her I just wanted to be able to spend some time with her. She calms down and the moment passes...

Strangely, like all these ups and downs so far, the rest of the day goes perfectly. She acts as if she never had the tantrum. We have a great time shopping together and I even get a chance to really talk to her. Weird, I will never understand the teenage girl mind. Even though I was once one of them (and yes, I know I gave my own mom some real fun times..llol..) I don't really remember when I was having teenage tantrums. My teenage years were such a blur. But I bet my mom sure remembers..Thanks Mom! Love You!


Ali Breinig said...

Don't worry...she will get over it and someday be your best friend. I don't think I ever hang out with my mom at 16...and now shes like the only person I hang out with :)
I love what that lady told you in true!!...even tho im not a mom yet, im starting to understand and hopefully ill be prepared...but probly not LOL. Love you!!!!

Mom said...

As I'm reading this the past comes rushing back.I feel your pain, but I also know that someday you will be so proud that you raised strong, moviated, caring adults. I know, because I look at you and have those feelings. Mom

Kelly said...

I can't beat mom's comment! It is so true.