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Thursday, January 17, 2013

Letting go

My baby has the biggest brown eyes. She cries for me in the night and I wake to rescue her. She cuddles up next to me and I am here as her security blanket. Passers by comment on her beautiful dark red hair and she grins and giggles. She puts her pudgy little hand in mine and we walk in the park as she sings and dances along. Days are filled with exploring and daydreams.

When the first day of Kindergarten comes she waves goodbye to me with no fear and smiles happily as she skips into the classroom. I shed a tear. At night before she goes to sleep she hugs me tightly and whispers that she loves me around the world and back again and as high as the sun. I feel like the luckiest mommy in the world.

Then I blink and I find myself taking a photo of her and her best friend on her first day of middle school. I shed a tear. She begins to pull away from me into the world of friends and boys that catch her eye. We fight and argue about the world. Cry about beliefs and frustrations. I realize she was never mine to begin with as she grows into a intelligent sophisticated young woman. I watch from afar and miss the sweet little voice calling me to put her to sleep at night. I try to take her on our adventures that we had when she was little but it doesn't feel the same.

 The morning she starts high school, I shed a tear. She falls in love that  year and she is his. I pray that she feels safe with him and wait for her to talk to me. She tells me she misses our adventures together and I try to fill the void with family travels. I find myself missing her when she chooses to spend all her spare time with friends or closes herself off in her room.  At sixteen, I watch her drive away in her car and a feeling of panic pricks me as I become aware of my child crossing over into adulthood.

As her last days of high school draw near she hugs me and tells me she loves me. I shed a tear. We talk and laugh together as she prepares to make the next step to college. I have to let go and trust she will be fine. I believe she has become an amazing responsible woman and I am confident she will make the right decisions.

  I must let her go now, and into the world. I love you always my dear child.
 You have made me a very proud momma.


mom said...

It makes me think back to when I was a New Mom and the milestones of my children. I want you to know you still have many more to come. You are so blessed to have had them, unfortunately some never get to experience this kind of love. I shed a tear that you get it. I love you. mom

Anonymous said...

Beautifully said. Very moving to me as I have traveled the same path. We are truly blessed. Like mom says... We have so much more to come. I so look forward to them as well. Love you

Amber said...

Well written. It makes us all think of our moms. Grandmas must feel it the most.