I clearly remember when I was 14 years old and my mom saying.."I can't wait till you have kids of your own someday, then you will understand!" (And it was like that... except with a giant exclamation point.)
I have begun to understand her pain in the last few years. The clock is ticking and I walk on egg shells every day of my life. I officially have 3 teenagers in the house right now and a younger one in training. Those of you who can feel my pain and grasp my concept, I am giving you a cyber hug right now..:).
I used to dwell in a sleep deprived state mixed with the temper tantrums of toddlers, no naps, and squabbles of sibling fights. What foods to feed the baby, is this a good stroller, what kind of shampoo to use?does it have too many chemicals?, and "please stop! running with scissors."
At the time these were stressful --(until now).... I didn't know what it would be like when they began to grow up. I now look back at their younger years as the most fondest beautiful memories. The time when I (actually) knew something and could teach them. When they wanted their mommy and snuggled up next to me when they felt sad. They were portable and we all lived out fairy tales together and went on adventures daily.
These days I am lucky if I can gather them up at once in the same car.
I am realistic and I realize that children grow up. That this time in their life is human nature to slowly peel away from their parents, so they can be self sufficient when they find themselves alone and out in the world.
Its just been a bit hard that's all. They live here with me yet I miss them everyday. They are surrounded by school, work, driving, going to college, choices, social dynamics, embarrassed easily and confused and stressed about the world around them.
I can't protect them from everything, though I really want to and may sometimes try.
The mother bear in me is (again) sleep deprived with worry.
In which that's another memory I have of my mother saying, "Once you have a child you are always their mother and you will never stop worrying even when they are all grown up."
I used to think that baby and toddler time was the hardest part of being a mother, now I know --at least for me, this is not true. It was so easy compared to the every day angst I go through now. Long gone are the easy days of redirection and time outs (except for the occasional time outs I give myself for my sanity) Only another parent of teens can understand these statements truly.
So if you see me and I seem distant, I am not trying to avoid you. I am just trying to keep myself together for the next turn of events that may come my way.
2 comments:
I wish I could give you a magic pill that will calm you down enough to enjoy life in the moment. You sound so stressed and sleep deprived. You need to find a way to deal with stress so you can sleep, without sleep you become even more stressed. It is a viscous circle. I don't function well without sleep myself. Figure out what you NEED from your kids to be less stressed, let them know and try to keep it simple. Like, having them text or call you with their plans and when they will be home, or homework done before heading out to play, or what ever it is you struggle with. Then try to back off give it a try, re-evaluate your NEEDS and give it a try again. Let the kids know t hat you are trying to be less stressed and if they follow your simple rules their lives will get less stress from you. They may work a little harder then. Just don't make more than two rules each or you will loose them. I feel you have taught them very well to make good choices in life and they should have the chance to show you. Yes, they will sometimes goof up. Don't punish them if it's a goof, they are learning as well. But if they break a rule explain the trust you are trying to give them and the hurt you feel when they abuse the trust. Make it about how you feel, you will eventually get a better response then "Because that's what I told you or what we agreed on". I think they really want to show you they are adults and can make good choices. Maybe they will miss hearing from you and give you a call with a question or to help with something 😃 then you will know you've created an adult! You've done the work so sit back and see how you did. Love you sis.
I have learned the most important thing you can give your children is there independence. To do this you have to allow them to fail, so they learn to pick themselves back up and feel good about themselves. Kids do not learn to be independent if parents always fix their problems. Be happy that yours want things their way and let them know they live with the consequences of their decisions. The 2 older ones need to practice this while still living at home, so that if they make a bad decision you are there to teach them to pick themself back up and move forward. love you, Mom
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